Posts Tagged ‘Mothers Care’

I have exercised all my life, but come from parents who considered breaking a sweat a waist of time.  So when I see my mother in so much pain due to back problems I think to myself (because I don’t want to push her) that it would be so helpful for her to strengthen her back and leg muscles.  She lays in bed all day either watching TV or reading and everyday she is in severe pain.  I know that if I don’t get moving everyday I get stiff and my moods aren’t the best.

Recently, while going through my Twitter account, I came across this blog post from the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, on what I see as getting things done to make you and your elders life easier and more enjoyable.   But a huge part of the article covers getting his mother to exercise even though she is mean to him on the way to the gym.  I’m thinking I need to get my own mother to the gym or have someone come to the house who can start working with her.

Has anyone starting something like this with their elderly parent?  Do you have any suggestions for a trainer or physical therapist in the Austin area?

My mom has always been a loner.  I don’t remember her being around much as I was growing up as she was always either at work or hiding in her room.  She still does those things (other than the work) while living with me.  She says she isolates herself because she doesn’t want to bother the family but it’s hard to know why she does it now when it’s been a life long pattern.

When she does emerge from her room, the kids love to visit with her and the dog absolutely adores her.  She unfortunately feeds him from her plate.  But she also pets him and lets him hide under her chair when the occasional Texas thunderstorm happens by.

Every year our family goes to Garner State Park to camp but this year we decided to visit a private camp ground called 7 bluffs.  We rented a big house so everyone, all 15 of us, could spend time together with Grandma, or Nona as she likes to be called.  Up to the last minute I thought she would change her mind but I kept encouraging her and she went.  I got her books to read and anything else that might keep her busy.  But after the first day she was ready to leave.  I think she missed her television which she leaves on 24/7 at home.  There was only one in the house and the kids had hijacked it for cartoons and tween shows.

She told one of my siblings she would never  come with us again.  She hasn’t told me that.  I guess she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. I have to wonder though why she complains about not seeing her grandchildren more often and when she gets the opportunity to see all of them at once for 5 days she wants to high tail it out of there.  She did tell me the highlight of the trip was seeing the baby deer outside her window.  Sigh, I guess spending time with family will never be her thing.

Change is hard for anyone but especially older adults who have lived a lifetime doing things a certain way.  I shouldn’t have expected her to change her routines and become more social because I thought she would have a good time.  She knows what she likes and sticks to it.  I felt as though if I didn’t ask her to go her feelings would be hurt and she thought if she said no my feelings would be hurt.  I guess a little better communication would have been in order here but although she has  been living with me for over 6 months now I still can’t shake that mother/daughter role with every aspect of our relationship.

I think the lesson for caregivers is to find ways to socialize their parent(s) that follow their life long patterns.  Or at the very least introduce new activities in small doses.  Maybe 5 days was not such a good idea and maybe I should have brought her her own television.  I can’t help trying and I don’t think it’s right for caregivers to not try something.  Our parents did it for us when we where young and now it’s our time to change roles.

Hello my name is Samantha and my 82 year old mother is addicted to pain killers! As I write this I imagine myself in a room full of  caregivers who are going around the room saying the same thing. I know I’m not the only family caregiver out there that has had to handle this issue.

It’s just one of the many issues I’ve had to deal with since my mother moved in with us in February. She tells me she is not addicted and that she knows they are bad but hides them in her room, searches my house for where I hid the rest and tries to get more than one doctor to write her prescriptions for her drug of choice.

Oh and now since I have taken control of those drugs she has developed migraines which require another pain killer! I got so frustrated last week that I told her to handle the bottles herself. Childish I know but dang it I’m tired of being her drug pusher. Well you can guess what happened, she took 6 migraine pills in an 8 hour period. That brought me back to my senses and I have taken those away from her as well. She now has to ask for them, which humiliates her, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let her “accidentally” kill herself.

The really frustrating part of this whole issue, other than having to police my mother, is the reaction of the medical community and her peers.    Every doctor I have talked too about this gives me the same line “She’s 82 let her take whatever she wants”. BULL! I won’t accept that. She has people that love her and her health such as it is. Would they have said the same thing to someone in their 20′s or 30′s. I sure as heck hope not. People are living quality lives into their 90′s now and there’s no reason why she shouldn’t.

I do think she has seen the light somewhat though due to her 11 year old grandson, Michael. He loves spending time with her. She has the most amazing long term memory and the funniest stories to tell. She remembers all of my fathers stories about WWII and Vietnam and loves to talk about her 7 children. Michael is constantly begging for war stories about his grandfather and has now insisted we work on her genealogy on www.ancestory.com. The other day he came to her and asked very quietly if she would come with us to a WWII war reenactment that a nearby Army Base was putting on. She told him not this time as she was too tired. She told me he looked at her with sad eyes and pleaded with her to come. He really wanted her to spend time with us. Ever since then she has been a more engaged person.

While she is still on enough pain meds to kill a horse she isn’t taking the migraine pills (although the caregiver secretly substituted some of them for aspirin). We are all looking forward to wild stories of the 40s and spending more time with our family.  My mother isn’t perfect but she’s the only one I have and I selfishly want to keep her around for as long as possible.

I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know about the wonderful care my mother is receiving at the Summit at Westlake Hills in South Austin.    But first a little bit of background on my mothers situation.

• My 82 year old mother has been independent until a recent cold which has really brought her down.
• I wanted her to stay in her apartment an hour and a half from me because I thought she would have more interaction with people.  She staying in her room all the time.
• She has been depressed for years but never more so than after my fathers death 9 years ago.
• She was hospitalized for a week and then discharged to a Rehab unit next to her apartment which after less than 24 hours I pulled her out of due to complete incompetence.

Ok this is my experience with the Summit.  I called on Friday morning to see if they had an opening for her and their Admissions Coordinator, Tammy, said sure! and she would handle it all for me.  And did she ever.  She kept in contact with me throughout the day while I retrieved my mother from the “other” facility and she met my mother at the door with flowers.  As a caregiver who was stressed out and very upset at the poor decision I had originally made it was such a relief to know my mother was finally in good hands.  The nurse and the therapist saw her in the first hour, they had everything ready for her and I could finally relax.

I have never seen my mother so happy.  She actually got her hair set.  I haven’t seen her do that since before my father passed away.  She loves the staff there.  They have been kind to her and patient with me.  I have run nursing homes in my past and have always had to force myself back into them.  But this place doesn’t give me the willies.  I think it’s a combination of everything from the staff to the ambiance.

I wanted to use my blog to express my appreciation of their care of both my mother and myself. I don’t know if this is the thing to do but as it’s my blog I’m guessing I can.   If you live in South Austin and need to place your family member in a facility for care I highly recommend The Summit at Westlake!