Posts Tagged ‘Caregiver Stress’

Studies show that humor is the best medicine for everything that ails you so I’ve decided to list a few creative signs to put a smile on your face….That I pulled from one of my favorite booklets Good Stuff. 

In a podiaterist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

At a proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.”

On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

On a church billboard: “Seven days without God makes one weak.”

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a maternity room door: “Push, Push, Push.”

On a taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”

At a car dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

At a propane filling station: “Thank heaven for little grills.”

—Bob Haeffner
P.S. If your interested in finding out how to get ”Good Stuff” email me and I’ll give you their info. 

I have exercised all my life, but come from parents who considered breaking a sweat a waist of time.  So when I see my mother in so much pain due to back problems I think to myself (because I don’t want to push her) that it would be so helpful for her to strengthen her back and leg muscles.  She lays in bed all day either watching TV or reading and everyday she is in severe pain.  I know that if I don’t get moving everyday I get stiff and my moods aren’t the best.

Recently, while going through my Twitter account, I came across this blog post from the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, on what I see as getting things done to make you and your elders life easier and more enjoyable.   But a huge part of the article covers getting his mother to exercise even though she is mean to him on the way to the gym.  I’m thinking I need to get my own mother to the gym or have someone come to the house who can start working with her.

Has anyone starting something like this with their elderly parent?  Do you have any suggestions for a trainer or physical therapist in the Austin area?

Parenting your parent(s) can be one of the hardest things to do.  Planning ahead is very important and necessary as a proactive approach to caring for aging parents.  Most children do not want to think about what happens when your parents age but when you look at the fact that 80 to 90% of all chronically ill older adults will need care at one time or another, you can’t ignore the statistics.  To make your job, or as we call it labor of love, easier you should ask your parents questions about their financial and medical status before a crisis occurs.

You never know when they may suddenly become ill and you are the one that has to provide information to a doctor or other health care professional.  While these questions are not easy to ask now, it won’t be any easier months or years from now.  I had to learn this piece of advice the hard way when I had to suddenly care for my ailing father.  It is far easier to talk to parents when they are healthy than when they’re incapacitated or hospitalized.  The object of these conversations is to get the information you need so that you can determine what kind of help your parents may need or wish.  Since their needs will change, you may have to have this conversation more than once or twice.

In addition to finding out about what they can do and what they need help with, you’ll want to understand what they want out of life, what their biggest concerns are, and what they cherish most.

Some general tips to use when talking with a parent are:

• Talk when you won’t be interrupted and when you are both relaxed.

• Don’t tackle everything in one conversation.

• Ask open ended questions such as “When you think about your future, what are you most concerned about” instead of “What about going to a nursing home”, something nobody wants to do.

• Do not be judgmental.  Your parents are competent adults.

• Don’t pepper them with questions.  Finding ways to have a conversation about the future rather than answering a quiz will cause less anger and stress.

• Involve others if it will help.  There are people out there who help manage later life decisions and issues for families.  In some cases, it’s easier to talk about these matters with an outsider than with a family member.  Call your local Area Agency on Aging, attorney, or doctor for assistance.

• Be open and clear about the facts.  Don’t whitewash problems.  Be straightforward about factual medical prognoses, for example.

• Actively listen to their concerns, don’t just convey your own.

26 QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER

1. Do you know the names and phone numbers of their doctors?
2. Do you know these physicians personally?
3. Are your parents enrolled in an HMO?  What do you know about their coverage and the quality of their HMO?
4. Are they covered by Medicare? Do they have supplemental insurance?
5. Do your parents’ have a lawyer? An Accountant? A financial planner? Do you know any of these people personally?
6. Do your parents have a will? (70% of Americans don’t) Do you know where it is kept?
7. Do you have health care power of attorney?  Do you have power of attorney?
8. How familiar are you with the “continuum of care”.  Do you know the difference between a retirement community (Sun City), an assisted living, a nursing home, skilled nursing facility, rehab, Alzheimer’s units, hospice care and home care services such as homemaker, personal attendant care, and skilled home health agencies.
9. Do you know how your parents feel about the possibility of leaving their home?
10. How much do you know about your parent’s finances?
11. Do you know what level of care they can afford?
12. Do you have other family members who might help serve as caregivers?
13. How honestly – and how recently – have you talked with your siblings and other family members about how you plan to care for your parents?
14. Is the family in agreement on what should be done?
15. Do you know who will be the primary caregiver or if it will be a shared responsibility?
16. If you will be the primary caregiver, how do you feel about that?  Are you willing to take on the responsibility?
17. How do your spouse and children feel about your commitment to your parents?
18. What is your current relationship with your parents?  Is it open and honest or are there a number of unresolved issues?
19. What can you do to resolve or ameliorate those issues?
20. Do your parents live nearby or will caring for them require a move?
21. Will they be moving near you or will you be moving near them?
22. How does your immediate family feel about either of those choices?
23. How candidly have you talked to your parents about their future?
24. Is there an “elephant” in your living room?  Are there on-going issues that have not been discussed such as alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, dangerous driving, memory loss, inadequate diet or self-imposed isolation?  Do you have the courage to discuss these issues?
25. Do your parents want extraordinary measures taken in case of medical emergency?  Do they have a living will?  Do they want to be organ donors?
26. Do you know what kind of funeral service they want, if any?  Do they want their service in a funeral home or a church?  Would they prefer an open casket or closed?  Do they want to be cremated?  Do you know a reputable funeral home?

Hello my name is Samantha and my 82 year old mother is addicted to pain killers! As I write this I imagine myself in a room full of  caregivers who are going around the room saying the same thing. I know I’m not the only family caregiver out there that has had to handle this issue.

It’s just one of the many issues I’ve had to deal with since my mother moved in with us in February. She tells me she is not addicted and that she knows they are bad but hides them in her room, searches my house for where I hid the rest and tries to get more than one doctor to write her prescriptions for her drug of choice.

Oh and now since I have taken control of those drugs she has developed migraines which require another pain killer! I got so frustrated last week that I told her to handle the bottles herself. Childish I know but dang it I’m tired of being her drug pusher. Well you can guess what happened, she took 6 migraine pills in an 8 hour period. That brought me back to my senses and I have taken those away from her as well. She now has to ask for them, which humiliates her, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let her “accidentally” kill herself.

The really frustrating part of this whole issue, other than having to police my mother, is the reaction of the medical community and her peers.    Every doctor I have talked too about this gives me the same line “She’s 82 let her take whatever she wants”. BULL! I won’t accept that. She has people that love her and her health such as it is. Would they have said the same thing to someone in their 20′s or 30′s. I sure as heck hope not. People are living quality lives into their 90′s now and there’s no reason why she shouldn’t.

I do think she has seen the light somewhat though due to her 11 year old grandson, Michael. He loves spending time with her. She has the most amazing long term memory and the funniest stories to tell. She remembers all of my fathers stories about WWII and Vietnam and loves to talk about her 7 children. Michael is constantly begging for war stories about his grandfather and has now insisted we work on her genealogy on www.ancestory.com. The other day he came to her and asked very quietly if she would come with us to a WWII war reenactment that a nearby Army Base was putting on. She told him not this time as she was too tired. She told me he looked at her with sad eyes and pleaded with her to come. He really wanted her to spend time with us. Ever since then she has been a more engaged person.

While she is still on enough pain meds to kill a horse she isn’t taking the migraine pills (although the caregiver secretly substituted some of them for aspirin). We are all looking forward to wild stories of the 40s and spending more time with our family.  My mother isn’t perfect but she’s the only one I have and I selfishly want to keep her around for as long as possible.

Wouldn’t that be lovely!  Someone you could call to help out on a moments notice.  You could call them to ask “Can you run over and drop off books for my mother”?  or “Can you run to the drug store for candy this afternoon”?  Just helping out with the little things is HUGE.

Well I have that.  I own my own home care company, Practical Care Continuum,  and I have a wonderful nanny for my kids that helps out with my mother too.  I could never be a caregiver without them and still work.  No wonder daughters are leaving the workforce to care for their parent(s).  How in the world can anyone keep down a full time job and cater to their parent(s).  I would go insane trying to keep up with her needs.

The big issues are not the problem because I can get home care help for those issues but the little things such as making sure her medications are set out properly and ordered in a timely manner consume a lot of my time.  The woman is on 12 medications umpteen times a day.  If I have a problem keeping up imagine my 82 year old frail mother keeping up with them.  Not to mention the 4 different doctors she has.  I don’t even have one (pretty typical for a caregiver to have no physician.  It’s not in our plan to get sick)

I think family members take on too much when caring for their parents and don’t think about the little things a home care company can do for them.  I have an advantage in that I own the company but even if I didn’t I would still hire one to handle the little things because my family time is precious to me.  My kids are growing up way to fast.  My 11 year old is graduating to middle school in two months and will no longer want to hang out with mom.  I want to grab all the time I can with him and running errands for my mother (much as I love her) is not my idea of family time.  So I give myself a break and ask (pay) for help.

Corny as it sounds I don’t want to be remembered for all the hard work I did when I go I want to be remembered for all the love and shared time I had with my family.

Bottom Line:  I am so lucky to have the help I do and if you don’t get your own you are missing out on life so get your own Concierge Service any way you can!

I spend a lot of money on management books each year trying to improve my leadership style but just the other day I realized that I had forgotten one of the basics.  Tell someone what a great job they did!

My week started out very hectic as usual.  Between the kids, my mother, her caregivers, and the business I really needed a Calgon moment and I got it from an email sent to me that included a testimonial from a client of mine.  It was wonderful to receive the pat on the back and the acknowledgment of all the hard work I put into my company.  That simple note made me realize that we all should give more kudos and if we do it will make us feel better which will in turn lower our stress level.

I emailed a kudos yesterday for the great service I received while ordering a pizza from CraigO’s.   I noticed that CraigO’s has gluten free pizza so I called to order for both myself and my kids who can eat anything.  The young girl who took my order was cheerful, patient and knowledgeable about her product.  You don’t find that everyday in the food service arena so I dropped a quick email to her boss about how impressed I was with her service.  They sent a note back thanking me but what I noticed was the fact that my email was forwarded on to her boss and the owner.  The whole process only took a minute, made me feel good, and hopefully put a smile on that young woman’s face. Who knows maybe that simple acknowledgment brought her to the attention of the higher ups which in turn will lead to her one day being the CEO.  A simple pat on the back can do wonders.

Which brings me to my point about caregivers.  Don’t forget to acknowledge all the hard work they do. The stress can be overwhelming but well worth it if someone says “Good Job” and Thank You for all you do.  Caregivers put up with a lot from their clients/family members/loved ones and it’s even worse for those caring for someone with dementia.  Those folks become isolated and forgotten all to often so take a moment to send a card or flowers to brighten up their day.  As an added bonus it will make you feel great too!

I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know about the wonderful care my mother is receiving at the Summit at Westlake Hills in South Austin.    But first a little bit of background on my mothers situation.

• My 82 year old mother has been independent until a recent cold which has really brought her down.
• I wanted her to stay in her apartment an hour and a half from me because I thought she would have more interaction with people.  She staying in her room all the time.
• She has been depressed for years but never more so than after my fathers death 9 years ago.
• She was hospitalized for a week and then discharged to a Rehab unit next to her apartment which after less than 24 hours I pulled her out of due to complete incompetence.

Ok this is my experience with the Summit.  I called on Friday morning to see if they had an opening for her and their Admissions Coordinator, Tammy, said sure! and she would handle it all for me.  And did she ever.  She kept in contact with me throughout the day while I retrieved my mother from the “other” facility and she met my mother at the door with flowers.  As a caregiver who was stressed out and very upset at the poor decision I had originally made it was such a relief to know my mother was finally in good hands.  The nurse and the therapist saw her in the first hour, they had everything ready for her and I could finally relax.

I have never seen my mother so happy.  She actually got her hair set.  I haven’t seen her do that since before my father passed away.  She loves the staff there.  They have been kind to her and patient with me.  I have run nursing homes in my past and have always had to force myself back into them.  But this place doesn’t give me the willies.  I think it’s a combination of everything from the staff to the ambiance.

I wanted to use my blog to express my appreciation of their care of both my mother and myself. I don’t know if this is the thing to do but as it’s my blog I’m guessing I can.   If you live in South Austin and need to place your family member in a facility for care I highly recommend The Summit at Westlake!

The one thing we always put off is dental care.  I put it off because I’m a chicken when it comes to sitting in that chair.  But caregivers put it on the bottom of their list because of the stress of it all.  What most people don’t realize though is that poor dental hygiene can lead to much bigger health problems including hardening of the arteries and premature loss of teeth.  Click here for more info

Combine all those issues with stress and you are a ticking time bomb.  That’s no help to anyone.  So get to the dentist at least twice a year and remember to brush and floss!